over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
