my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
