hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
