Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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