im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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