I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
