What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
