he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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