she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
