My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
