Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
