Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
