I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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