yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
