One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
