It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
