At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
