dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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