We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
