Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
