you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
