I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
