Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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