Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
