Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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