It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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