but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The beer is more important than you right now.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
