i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
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