I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
