you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
