its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
