So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
