i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
