Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
