Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
