you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
