If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
