This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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