peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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