Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
