apparently the secret to your success is patron
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
