Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
