my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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