Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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