forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
