Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
