i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
