I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
