She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
