A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc Iām here for that and you
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
