Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
