I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
