He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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