If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
