We named our party play list daddy issues
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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