I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
